One thing is I believe we drifted apart, when you're drifting you're just enjoying yourself and may not even realize what is going on. I was enjoying marriage and in a selfish manner did not realize that she was not. In one sense, you can't expect someone to make you enjoy something, I like ice cream but not all people do, so just because I like it doesn't mean I should just take it for granted that everyone around me does, but if you don't like ice cream tell me, for if you don't tell me I want know. She never told me she was not enjoying it.
A professor in school said, "When emotions are aroused intelligent stops working", my emotions were aroused, I was in love and failed to see after 20 years she was not. They say you can't fall out of love and maybe that is true but I do know, at one time she loved me but some where whether my fault or hers she stopped loving me. Even today my love for her is the same as it was when she was here. Some people ask me how can you love her after what she did to you and I can answer that, "It was because love", that is, "JUST BECAUSE LOVE", I love her just because I decided too not based on her but on me. Many people today don't understand "JUST BECAUSE LOVE" but that is the kind of love that my GOD has for me, it is based on HIM and HIS character. I guess if I want to be like HIM I should love the way HE does. Judge me for loving someone who no longer loves me and say I am wrong but I know ONE who will say "great job, Kem" one day when I see HIM face to face. Yes, I believe that I will see my FATHER face to face one day and maybe not that long from now and because of that I must do what pleases HIM.
This may sound a little strange because of what I just said but please hear me out. I do believe I have been living as FATHER would have me with a mind set for restoration which is the only plan HE has for me and my family but I have come to realize that I have also dishonored HIM in my outlook on life. Content is what HE wants and I have not been content. I lived for 20 years as a married man, I talked like a married man, walked like a married man, I thought like a married man, I came home like a married man, managed money like a married man, dreamed like a married man and had goals like a married man, the reason was I was a married man. For the last three years nothing has changed other than I am no longer married but I still live like a married man. To have the mind set of a married man and yet not have the benefits that come along with being married will cause one to be lonely, discouraged and depressed. Married in mind only will make you a lonely person.
In the recent days FATHER has worked on me. The verse "as a man thinketh so is he" has dominated my mind as if FATHER has been knocking away at my heart. I am not married but single and must accept that. I need to begin to live with the mind set of a single man but yet with limits. Now, hold up, that doesn't mean I can forget the Word of GOD on these matters but what it does mean is I can let go and learn to live with where I am at this time in my life. Now I don't know where HE is leading me on this path but I do know this as long as I follow HIM I want get lost.
So now I begin a new path, a new way of thinking, a new outlook, a new adventure, a new joy with a new zeal for life that can bring glory to the ONE who loves me JUST BECAUSE!!!!!
